Confessions and Mistakes
How many bad decisions seemed like a good idea at the time?
Over the years I’ve made some really bad decisions. From time to time I got angry and subsequently did some reprehensible things I now regret. I have reacted with nasty spite when I should have stayed calm, and I’ve felt resentful for no good reason, which usually turned me into a dangerous Mr. Hyde or a rabid black dog.
And when he was good he was very, very good, but when he was bad he was horrid. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Not every time things went badly pear-shaped was my fault. Not every person I’ve hurt was an innocent bystander. Some of the people I’ve had uncharitable thoughts about actually deserved my condemnation. And there have been some people I wouldn’t cross the road to spit on. But, and here’s the thing, all the time I was an angry, judgemental, resentful, dangerous bastard person, I was still suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, and / or, Bipolar Disorder. I was always afraid, and I was always running away.
Add the whole lot together, all the anger, resentments, mental illness, and it’s not surprising that I used to be hypercritical, lacking in understanding, and totally unwilling to accept anyone who didn’t measure up to my warped standards. It’s not surprising that from time to time I could hurt the ones I love. Sometimes the only things I was good at was causing pain and heartache.
It only takes one word to hurt a woman, a matter of seconds, one stupid, impatient sting of the whip. But winning back her trust takes years. And sometimes there isn’t the time. ~ Nina George
I have actually made a list of all the people I believe I have hurt over the years, (that’s the difficult step 8 in 12 step programmes), and thought about the what, why, when, how, where, and if of making amends to those people. Of my original list I’ve crossed off some names, because I’m not a saint, so I’m not making amends to everyone I’ve wronged. And, I’ve underlined some other names, of women I really do need to make immediate, meaningful, and lasting amends to. (my Goddess Aphrodite and The Girl Riding Shotgun spring to mind.) But as the quote from Nina George says, sometimes rebuilding trusting relationships takes years.
I have spoken in haste too often, spoken from negative and dark emotions too often, and been thoughtless too often. But, the recent paradigm shift that I experienced from being way outside of my comfort zone for a week should mean that I don’t make those enraged mistakes again.
Some say there is no such thing as a mistake or a bad decision. And that the consequences of a really bad decision are a learning opportunity. All I know is that if I go off the rails there is going to be a painful disaster, and someone will get hurt ~usually including me.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
Nobody likes to be with a dangerous jerk.
Be that guy, and be alone in the dark.
Empowerment
Don’t be satisfied with how things once were, unfold a new story.
In the last few days a great deal has changed for me. Circumstances of my own choosing forced me well outside of my comfort zone, and made me escape a prison of my own making. And coming down the pike like a runaway a great deal of transition is heading right for me.
It is time for me to embrace a life path that is more true to who I am, and the grounded, enlightened, successful man I want to be. Now is the hour for me to grow in courage and mental strength ~ no longer allowing my doubts and fears to undermine my dreams, desires, hopes, and plans for the future. Now is the time for me to be who I truly am deep inside.
You have the freedom to be yourself, your true self, here and now, and nothing can stand in your way. ~ Richard Bach
That means ridding myself of the emotional burdens of the past. It means ceasing to be reckless with the feelings of others. Ceasing to be negligent when it comes to accepting, cherishing, nurturing, understanding, and supporting those I care for. And it means embracing harmony, strength, and fortitude. All the mistakes I made in the past are now just learning tools for the future. Each time I fell off the rails and turned into Mr. Hyde are salutary lessons and cautionary tales ~ reminding me that those dark places and negative feelings are to be avoided and not encouraged.
Hard work bears fruit, and the near future will be bright for me and those I care for as a result of my hard work in the past paying off. I have tried so hard to be the best version of me that I could possibly become, that I have earned the right to enjoy life now that I can finally see the results of my efforts. My ‘new’ personality, attitudes, demeanour, heart , and soul means that I can express myself with greater clarity, confidence, and strength today and into the future.
My core values, the things that really matter to me, are what I will live by today, tomorrow, and in each and every day to come. I need to spend some time in walking meditation to reflect more seriously on my ethics and ethos, to truly identify what I am willing to tolerate, and what I will just not accept. It is so ingrained in the habits of most people, (myself included), to put everyone else’s needs first, and then forget to take care of themselves. Yet if we don’t take care of our own needs, our physical, mental, and spiritual health, we cannot grow nor prosper nor be truly happy. Today and into the future I will take care of myself first, and then nurture and support those I care for to the very best of my abilities.
Un-winged and naked, sorrow surrenders its crown to a throne called grace. ~ Aberjhani.
Some say I am worthy of a life full of friends, loving connections, enlightenment, and spiritual empowerment. And that there will be a new love in my life, either platonic or romantic. All I know is that I am not just going to sit back and wait for things to happen ~ the cosmos does not roll out a red carpet for anyone.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
A new day has come.
Nothing Lasts Forever
Great things never came from comfort zones.
Just another day and I’m back in the garret where my psyche tells me I belong. Not anymore I don’t. I need to change and the picture of York Railway Station is a metaphor. To get to anywhere by train I have to change at York ~ in rail journey terms York is the fulcrum.
Some of you may recall that I have been trying to change for years; to grow, to become the better man, to walk the warrior’s path….. and I’ve had some limited success. No that’s wrong, I’ve had a lot of success. I’ve gone from being a celibate recluse, stuck in the garret and afraid to go out, to a chap who has just completed a course of swimming lessons ready for my solo vacation in Crete in a couple of weeks time.
It seems that my fulcrum has been shown me by those self-same swimming lessons ~ the whole thing was utterly outside my comfort zone, and I mean a long, long way outside my comfort zone. And you know what? Our comfort zones are not a place of safety, they are a prison.
Have the courage to leave our self-imposed prison and great things start to happen.
What I know now, (what I always really knew), is that I have to accept life as it comes, live in the moment, enjoy whatever the moment brings, open my eyes, and welcome surprise. Stop cowering in the corner, and stop living a life where today will be pretty much like yesterday, and tomorrow will be pretty much like today. Life goes on, but from now on my life will be filled with adventure and good things.
IF I continue on a wiser, kinder, more mindful, more courageous, more self-loving path, I know that I will be able to embrace the results of all the hard work I’ve put in over the past few years, and discover the truth of my Life. I know that things WILL improve, even from this good place I am in right now. And, not in years, or even many months, but in the coming days and weeks. Things will get even better for me far sooner than my comfort-zone loving heart might expect.
But I have to stay focused and believe in myself, because sitting back in my comfort zone and waiting for the Cosmos to roll out the red carpet just doesn’t work. Trust me, I know.
We have free will. We need to use it and leave our self-imposed prisons. We are the Masters of our Own Fate, we need to accept that, get out of our comfort zone, and live life, even if that means making mistakes.
Some say that all the changes we try to make for ourselves are bad. And, that we should do as we are told, do what’s expected of us, never question authority, always respect the wishes of our family, and stay in our comfort zone. All I know is that leaving my comfort zone far behind me is the fulcrum of my Life.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
this is a long way outside of my comfort zone, but the next time I go to Turkey I will be up there
Sex, Love, and Heartache
Wherever I go, I always find that special person who is so wrong for me.
In the world’s largest financial centres, I spent most of my career making a hell of a lot of money by exploiting my knowledge of people and what makes them tick. In London, Paris, New York, and Chicago I learned to read people, and know what they really want, need, and desire. My skill was in matching the things I could do with what my clients thought they wanted. And, for a long while, I was the acknowledged world expert in my field of esoteric banking. But, really, my success was all due to the way I could use my interpersonal skills.
If I am so skilled at the art of interpersonal relationships, how come I can get it so wrong with women? Some of the time I am forceful, passionate, prideful, self-indulgent, sensual, lustful, and too warm towards women who possess grace, beauty, and charm. If I am very attracted to a woman I can be far too liberal with my affection, compassion, time, love, and money. I tend to do a little too much by way of extravagances, and luxuries. Maybe I send flowers too often. And, as you would expect, sometimes these women take everything I can give without the slightest show of gratitude, appreciation, or affection in return.
A fool and his money are soon parted, especially when it comes to affairs of the heart. ~ Thomas Tusser
Obviously I am not doing the right things, in the right way, at the right time, with the right person. There isn’t the right balance, or sense of equilibrium. And there’s the rub ~ we don’t choose who we fall in love with.
Something tells me that self-confidence, strength, and passion are a heady mixture which is not always under my control ~ I often let my emotions run away with me, and this can only lead to loneliness and heartache.
My past has been marred by decisions I made that have left me feeling disappointed and bitter. It’s important for me to remember that I am accountable for my decisions. What I need to do is reflect on those past choices in a frank and healthy way, without looking at the past through rose-coloured glasses, or sugar coating the choices I made in error. I have made many bad choices, which then turned out very differently from the way I had hoped.
At times this has caused me much pain, worry, wasted time, and wasted money. Perhaps I fool myself that I always tried to do my best, and that I always had good intentions at heart ~ but I don’t think so. I did my best with the cards Life dealt me, but somehow things always took unexpected turns.
There may have been doubts in my heart which I ignored. I was careless, and not always honest with myself. I have often acted impulsively, with utter disregard for the consequences. I have had the feeling of being utterly out of my depth, and I usually pressed on regardless.
Some say that we can only learn by our own mistakes. And, that we don’t fail by falling down, we fail by staying down. All I know is that I’ve made some bloody painful mistakes.
If there’s nothing much about sex in the paragraphs I’ve written above ~ that’s because usually there hasn’t been any.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
Exactly the sort of woman I should have never been involved with. Great legs do not necessarily a nice person make.
So, now I need counselling.
Never look to another to tell you who you really are.
A friend of mine has said that I need some form of mental health / spiritual counselling ~ suggesting to me that she thinks there’s something seriously wrong with the way I feel, think, act, and react to events and people. I guess she believes that I don’t feel, think, act, or react in ways that she likes when it comes to my friendship with her.
I thought about this a lot and very seriously. I am fully aware that I don’t follow normal rules of behaviour, especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships, and I also know there are, (at least), a couple of reasons for this.
Something happened to me deep in my early childhood, so far back that I don’t know exactly what happened to me when I was maybe 3 years old. But whatever happened had a very profound effect on me, sufficient to change my personality for my whole life. It’s complicated, but various mental-health types have said a couple of things; #1 I don’t have bipolar disorder, and #2 I may have had borderline personality disorder, but if I had I’ve recovered. Well, that’s helpful….. or not. The practical upshot of whatever happened when I was a young child is that I will not willingly accept advice, criticism, or chastisement. So what? That just puts me in line with 99% of the rest of the crazy people on this planet.
The second reason I don’t follow normal rules of behaviour is because I’m better than that. I’m enlightened, truthful, open, ethical, grounded, and fucking smart. And to be honest, with the exception of the people who follow me on this blog, that makes me a better man than anyone any of us is likely to meet in an average day.
So, I thought about this very carefully when it came to finding a therapist / counsellor / spiritual adviser….. and decided that wasn’t going to happen.
I’ve spent the greater part of the past 2, 3, or maybe 4 years trying to walk the warrior’s path. Trying to find out who I am, who I was, and who I wish to be. And now, after years of effort, I’m finally beginning to see some light.
It may just be a candle in a hurricane of hellish darkness, but that small light is me.
The little boy may have become a broken man, with a broken spirit and broken dreams, but today I can hold on and today I’m feeling strong. I know who I am, and I’m not a shadow or the man in the mirror anymore.
No over-qualified, well-intentioned, mental health wazzock is going to be given my permission to dip their dirty fingers into my soul. There is no chance of me attending therapy / counselling / psychotherapy. Not now, not next year, not ever.
It turns out that I know who I am, and I like who I am. And, those that don’t can fuck off. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, and please don’t keep in touch.
Some say that humility is the true key to success. And, that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. All I know is that I’ve tried humility and therapy, and all I got was insanity.
I have a new plan of action concerning my supposed need for counselling. I am happy to take no action whatsoever.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
Marmaduke is as sick of misplaced and unwanted advice as I am.
Wisdom and Courage
Knowledge, intuition, and self-confidence aren’t always enough.
Yesterday I reacted very badly to what I felt was negative criticism, from a very close friend, of some posts I had recently written. I took the critical comments from my friend both personally and probably more negatively than she meant to sound. And yet, looking back, I still feel that her comments about my blog were a thinly veiled attack on me, which was really about something else entirely, something else I had done. It would be nice to know what…..
Yesterday, I broke two of my own rules;
Rule #9 Trust in your own opinions, but always be prepared to listen to the other person’s point of view.
and
Rule #10 Be accepting, understanding, and compassionate.
It’s all very well my not liking what people do or say, but I should have the wisdom and courage to accept and understand that her thoughts and opinions are not my thoughts and opinions. I should be able to rise above the shit that life and other people throw at me from time to time. I should not be dragged down into the mire by other people. I should make a better choice than to feel so hurt and distressed by the things others may say to me.
If a man is going to let his spirit truly fly then he needs the self-confidence to spread his wings. Sometimes a man also needs wisdom to make better decisions and wiser choices if he is going to realise his potential and manifest his true destiny. If he is going to walk the warrior’s path to spiritual prosperity and inner peace, then a man needs to walk that path without scepticism, fear, or self-doubt.
I know that things do not get better overnight, that this is going to be a step by step, iterative process, and that to make positive changes in my life I first of all have to show up for life and actually have the courage to make some changes. Not every choice I make is going to be a good choice, but a golden rule is that if things aren’t working out, then do something else instead.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ~Einstein
I also have some new tools to help me; I am learning the power of truth, mindfulness, self-care, meditative affirmations and mandalas. I know that I need to show more gratitude and care through my actions for those who matter most to me ~ including myself. I know I need to listen to the guidance of those who care for me because they can show me the path I need to take. I know that I shouldn’t listen when others are attacking me out of their own personal inadequacies.
There needs to be new challenges, new rituals, and new guidelines in my life. I need to ask a lot of myself, and of those close to me, but I need to be patient, mindful, and caring too.
To make wise choices I need to consider the past, the present, the future, and look at potentialities with some wisdom and reasonableness. What I need to lose is anger, bitterness, judgementalism, and paranoia.
I have made some changes, and taken some decisions. I’ve joined a different gym, and I’m going there and exercising regularly. I’m going to the pool regularly. I walk everywhere, I’ve changed my diet, and I’m getting better rest and sleep. I am going to travel more, I’ve just got back from Turkey, and in a little while I’m going to Crete. After that, well if you can’t find me, I’m on vacation.
Some say that there are wonderful, warm, loving, powerful, indulgent, and courageous energies in the universe. And, that all men seek and desire; love, happiness, grace, beauty, charm, and pleasure. All that I know is that I have to act quickly to find my true life path.
The Best is yet to come ~ I may have seen the sun but I’ve never seen it shine, and now it’s raining in my heart.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
the road is long, and mostly lonely
choices really matter
The best luck of all is the luck you make for yourself.
In the past couple of weeks I have had the fabled luck of a sailor being followed by an albatross, (never, ever, shoot the albatross). Something has carved out a window to let me see who I truly am, and allowed me to start to take control of my fate. But, it’s also enabled me to surrender to the will of the cosmos ~ working with natural energies to empower my body, mind, and spirit to true and lasting enlightenment.
I shot the ALBATROSS…..
I had done a hellish thing, and it would work ’em woe: for all averred I had killed the bird, that made the breeze to blow. ~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge
These changes in me are never going to be some quick way to amass a fortune, (I don’t need to), or find an easy way out of life’s problems. Instead, taking control of my fate allows me to discover the interconnectedness of all things that binds us and the cosmos together, and creates the web of infinite circumstances, places, and people that allows me to walk the warrior’s path.
You know what? I am excited about all this enlightened thinking that seems to have taken over my psyche. However, whatever wisdom or enlightenment I have suddenly gained access to is more than a little bit complicated and confusing for an ordinary Englishman such as I.
I know that this is a positive and strong time of decisive action for me, and I need to harness all the determination I can muster. I firmly believe that, in the next few days I will need to take some action that is critical to the shape of my future. The snag is, right now I have no idea what that action is supposed to be. I’ve got no idea what I most need to do, except that it’s going to be a balancing act between passion and practicality.
So, I’m already working on my general health and fitness ~ walking everywhere, breathing plenty of clean and fresh sea air, and detoxifying my life of crap and negative influences.
I have a feeling that I also need to work on better friendships and more meaningful and mindful connections. I need to give more attention to particular special people in my life. I should build greater self-worth through more integrity, more confidence, better and more authentic interpersonal relationships.
I should be shrewder in my choices of friends and the type of friendships I want, need, and desire. But, being a shrewd operator does not mean that I would ever be underhand or less than utterly honest about how I nurture my friends and friendships, or be dishonest in how I choose the people I wish to associate with.
Some say that communication skills is an art we go on learning throughout our life. And, that interpersonal relationships never stop being a work in progress. All I know is that sometimes we only say to others what we ourselves need to hear.
Sometimes a man just has to howl at the moon.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
just remember, interpersonal relationships can be dark….. and as deep and strange as still waters.
And, choices rule your life.
do not be just another sheep in the flock
To really live, first escape from the prison you made for yourself.
Some change, some significant shift in the way I think and feel has allowed me to better understand the infinite intricacies of life, to see my true inner self, and consequently gain a much greater self-awareness and feeling of self-confidence.
I firmly believe that I can now rise above the obstacles and pit-falls of this crazy chaotic life in a determined and assertive way. I know that I can follow the warrior’s path to happiness and genuine fulfillment. Quite suddenly and unexpectedly, there is a forceful and innovative energy bubbling away in the depths of my subconsciousness. Taken together this means that, since my return from a weird vacation in Turkey, I have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to strike out on my own, to feel confident and liberated, in control of what is happening in my own life.
I have always had a great deal of financial freedom, but emotionally and spiritually I have been utterly repressed, a prisoner of my own inadequacies and the negativity of others. Now I need to engage my true strengths and inner abilities ~ I guess working out how to do that may take a little longer than I think.
I have always had a strong character and a strong will, but always seemed to be afraid of leaving the well established fortress of my comfort zone. I believe that I am no longer fearful of releasing my strong will and doing things quite differently from other people.
In my life it’s been much easier to follow the flow of everyone else, but that route will never allow anyone to reach their destiny and discover their own ultimate truth. It seems now is the time for me to become more of a leader, and less of just another sheep in the flock,
Perhaps it really is time for me to break free of the limitations I have created for myself, and others have created for me, by trying to conform to what I think I ‘should’ be doing. You can please some of the people most of the time if you do what they want, but no matter what you do, you can’t please all your family and friends all of the time.
To begin with, my new and different attitude felt rebellious and disrespectful, but I now know that if I don’t dare to be different, I will never realise just how much I can enjoy This Life.
Some say that you only get one chance to remake your life into what you have always wanted it to be. And, that everyone who is close to you will do everything they can to stop you from breaking away. All I know is that I can and will do just what my destiny calls me to do.
I am no longer a prisoner, I am a free man.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
sometimes all you need is a very cool car
Inspired and Motivated
Life has many ways of testing a man’s will and inner strength.
Yesterday I joined a different gym here in my little seaside town. I had not been regularly using the ‘old gym’, and they had increased their prices. Often the walk there, around the marina, was so interesting and distracting that I never made the gym at all.
I’m pretty surprised that I just went ahead and joined a new gym, without hesitation, procrastination, or much thinking about it. But then, since my recent vacation in Turkey, I’m a changed man. In Turkey I had a bit of an epiphany.
I know that I’m now venturing on yet another important evolutionary step on the warrior’s path to discover what I am truly capable of, and I have come to know that I have an immense inner strength. Part of my journey along the warrior’s path is knowing what this inner strength and power is, and how I can use it, for the greater good, in my daily existence.
You have power over your mind ~ not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength. ~ Marcus Aurelius
My goal is to unearth and understand this power and strength from the depths of my subconscious mind, my heart, and my soul. I have something to say and I need to learn how to say it. Perhaps I need to break away from traditional approaches and practices and accept that I am now a unique individual that deserves to receive more recognition and respect for who I have worked so hard to become.
As I was taking my leave from the new friends I had made on vacation, a very together lady said to me that; ‘You are a very different kind of man from most…..’ She said that and more in a very caring way.
However, right now I still do not feel as fully in charge of my own destiny as I could be. I know that I need a clearer vision of what lies ahead of me. I need to work towards more balance, acceptance, understanding. I need courage. I need to use my new-found self-awareness, self-confidence, inspiration and motivation. And, I need to eliminate negative energies and negative people from my life.
I know, trust, and believe that I am capable of forging my own path, that I have a manifest destiny to reach, a destiny that is not intended for anyone else, at least for no one who cannot share my vision, needs, wants, dreams, and desires.
It is time to explore my dreams and to experiment with the strength and power I suddenly possess. I need to become connected with who I really am, and I need to better connect with those I care for. I want and need to become the real Renaissance Man that some have thought I have always been. Until now I believe that I have always fallen short of that ideal.
Some say that we take for granted those things that are most deserving of our attention. And, that most people never show up for their Appointment with Life. All I know is that Real Life is what happens to you while you are busy making pointless plans.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
Marmaduke likes to sunbathe on one of the historic ships moored in the marina
Enlightenment
Inner tranquility ~ freedom from anger, anxiety, and fear.
There was something weird about my short stay in Turkey. Was it the place, or the people, or the blue, blue sky? Was it getting enough good sleep, good food, staying sober, staying calm? Or, was it the long, meaningful, and mindful conversations I enjoyed? Or was it some inner spirituality that was awoken in me? I suspect all of these things and more combined to wrought a significant change in my psyche.
For me this was a jumping-off point. I lost some things, I lost negativity, I lost the way I was used to seeing the world, I lost judgmentalism, I lost my mistrust of others, I lost my fear and anger, and I learned how to fly…..
Last night I lost the world, and gained the universe. ~ C. JoyBell C.
I had not been there long before I knew a radical freedom that allowed me to seek acceptance, humility, integrity, mindfulness, and understanding of myself, of those around me, and of those I care for. I was encouraged to take a new control and responsibility for my own life ~ I believe that most of us, (up to and including me), are not in control of our own lives. Rather most of us drift aimlessly through life, so that today is pretty much like yesterday, and tomorrow will be pretty much like today.
That isn’t really living, it’s just existing, and that’s no way to explore true happiness and well-being. To know true happiness and well-being we perhaps should strive to improve and enhance our own lives, the lives of those we care for, and society as a whole.
Within the real meaning of human happiness and enhanced existence, within our aims, significance, and overall purpose, we all have the freedom to choose what to do, to be who we want to be. Sadly so many of us never even try to grow into an enlightened being.
After a couple of days in the mindfulness of my Turkish vacation I began to seek to understand things, to understand the interconnectedness of all things, and the ways to find the significance of my own life among the chaos.
The real meaning of enlightenment is to gaze with undimmed eyes on all darkness. ~ Nikos Kazantzakis
I realised that each of us is what we take ourselves to be. But to live in an authentic, caring, and mindful way, we each have to take each situation as it comes and show our true nature through what we do, and not what we say. Talk is cheap.
I was always frightened to show my true nature. I was a shadow man, the man in the mirror, I was always conforming to what others expected of me, putting on masks that fitted the roles I was expected to play. I saw the world through a winter mirror, darkly.
After just one week in a small Turkish hotel, under blue, blue skies, among a group of friendly and supportive people, I was able to throw away the masks, stop playing a role, eschew the man in the mirror, and really take charge of my own life.
Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment. ~ Lao Tzu
Today, back in the garret, I am self-analytical, self-aware, self-confident, and filled with real self-control, and self-discipline.
Now I need to act in a way that reflects my new self-awareness, and the awareness of my own complete freedom. This is what I am, this is what I choose to be, this is the real me, and I will never again dodge responsibility for being true to myself.
I do not pretend to understand how this enlightenment came about. Probably it was a unique set of serendipitous circumstances, a synchronicity that has energised me physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Some say that once in a lifetime your chance comes along, that once in a lifetime fate deals you the perfect winning hand. And, that we each have to be courageous enough to take that chance, to throw everything we have behind our one great opportunity in Life. All I know is that today I feel better than I have ever felt before in my entire existence.
My short stay in Turkey was the kindling of a flame.
~
jack collier
jack collier7@talktalk.net
each man is an island unto himself
JackCollier7 
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