habits, routines, and rituals
you never change your life until you step outside of your comfort zone
We all of us have safe routines and habits that almost never change. Most small teddy bears are afraid of the sea. Most people are a little afraid of the new, the strange, and the different.
Every day we go to work, we dress in the same clothes in the same style, we eat the same food. Our circle of friends pretty much never changes. We visit our parents at the weekend, and we spend the rest of each weekend doing almost the same things we did last weekend. We have our favourite seat at the bar in our usual pub, and our favourite type of booze to drink at home.
That picture is intensified if we have a partner, because not only do we live within our own comfort zone, we also feel that we have to live within theirs. Actually, some people do have to live well within their partner’s comfort zone, because to do otherwise would invite dire consequences.
Mostly we do not invite new and different experiences into our lives. Often we judge others harshly for sometimes doing things differently, and for stepping outside what we think is their role in our lives. Often we resent that people we know, our family and friends, for seeking to expand their own horizons, find new opportunities, seek out new experiences, and try to find new friends and lovers.
It’s sort of OK for you to resent it if people you know are trying to find something new in their lives ~ something that doesn’t necessarily involve you. All of us suffer from a fear of abandonment to one extent or another, and resenting someone close to you if they try to find new horizons is merely an unconscious expression of that fear of abandonment. But get over it. Just because your friend is looking for new friends doesn’t mean they are going to leave you behind ~ unless you’ve really pissed them off. Who knows? Your friend’s new friends may become your friends too.
You know what? It’s all about you. Welcome new experiences, visit new places, make new friends, try dressing differently, do something crazy once in a while.
Some say that it’s better to build walls around themselves than to risk getting hurt again. And, that the tried and trusted is safer than looking for something different. All I know is that this month I will do at least one new, different, and crazy thing.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
for me,
getting in the sea with her would be truly outside of my comfort zone.
The Inner Compass
You will find your true life path when your inner compass is steady.
Each of us has an inner compass deep within our subconscious mind, and this controls and regulates everything we do, each and every hour of every single day. The snag is, sometimes our inner compass doesn’t point to the moral and ethical equivalent of North, and sometimes our inner compass just spins out of control.
We also have maps, models, and frameworks in our subconsciousness. And these maps, models, and frameworks allow us to make sense of the world and our family, our partner, our work, and the all the rest of our environment. These maps, models, and frameworks are what allows us to have any kind of a relationship with others because they help us to make sense of our body, our heart, our mind, and our spirit and intuition. These maps, models, and frameworks are our inner world. But, each of our inner maps are likely to be very inaccurate and incomplete, and have such helpful annotations such as; ‘Here Be Monsters’, and ‘Impassable Swamp’. Our models and frameworks are often completely wrong too.
Our inner compass, and our maps, models and frameworks are most likely to be utterly and totally wrong when we are under intolerable stress, or have suffered from a recent, (or not so very recent), trauma.
Because we are the Captain of our own ship, trying to navigate our way through this complicated, complex, and dangerous sea of life, we need to put our maps, models, and frameworks in order, we need to find a guiding light ~ sometimes we just have to junk our existing picture of the world and life, starting again with clean sheets of paper. We need to take our authority back to ourselves and ignore or reject all the authority that has been imposed upon us. The patterns and authority imposed upon us is always negative and self-destructive.
We need to become the very best version of ourselves that we can, and take back our self-belief, self-confidence, and self-will. We need to rediscover our truth and purpose, and we can never do that if we rely on outdated maps, inaccurate models, and broken frameworks.
In order to restore health and equilibrium to ourselves, to fix our broken compass, and to make new maps, models, and frameworks to help us make sense of the world we need to realise that much of what we are doing and have done falls into the realm of negativity and self-destruction. In order to rebuild something better we need to junk the old negative ways of thinking and allow new and better into our lives.
This is easy. This quest to become the best version of you that you can possibly be, the way to becoming the true Captain of your own ship, will just require you to work at it for every waking hour for the rest of your life. Regaining control of your inner compass, your maps, models, and frameworks will be a never-ending story.
Some say that self-improvement and self-development books, podcasts, videos, conferences, and retreats are a waste of time. And, some say that there is nothing at all wrong with them and the way the react to the world. All I know is that the harder and longer I try, the better I become.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
hold true to a better Goddess
hold true to a cleaner and more positive sea
grasp your own future
Dreams do not have deadlines nor commitments…..
Hardly anyone is really in control of their own life. This is doubly true if you happen to be an ‘average person’, who has a job, mortgage, and normal financial commitments ~ face it you have to turn up for work every day, whether you like it or not. Add in a family, who undoubtedly will have expectations of you, and your time is not hardly ever your own. (And, I wasn’t even thinking about the ‘average person’ who is married with children.)
The ‘average person’ can’t really have dreams and desires, unless their dreams and desires happen to fit in with what others expect of you.
Just supposing you want to take a year off, buy an old school bus, turn into a camper van, and see as much of backroads America / Europe, as you possibly can in that year. What do you think your partner / family / friends / employer / neighbours are going to say about that?
I’ll tell you that the likelihood is that their views and words will range from incredulity to negativity, to downright hostility. That is if you are an ‘average person’ living a ‘normal life’. Ergo, to protect yourself you would probably not ever have that kind of empowering dream and desire.
Instead your mind will be filled with things such as; ‘what can I do about my partner / sister / brother…..?’ or ‘how can I afford to pay my bills’, or ‘how can I get a better job?’ or ‘what can I have for lunch / dinner / supper?’
None of us can do anything about our past, except reframe the way we think about it.
Most ‘normal’ and ‘average’ people can do very little about what’s happening to them in the present. The chances are that, for them, today will be pretty much like yesterday. If they have to work for a living the chances are that any working day will be exactly like the working day before. Even their thoughts and conversations will have a mind-numbing repetitious banality.
However, and this is fucking damned important, we can all do something about our futures.
NOBODY has to settle for the status quo. If there is something or someone in your life that’s sucking the life out of you, then get rid of it / them. If your marriage is crap / abusive / boring, then get out of it. If your job is horrible and badly paid, then leave and get another job ~ there’s nothing like being out of work to put a real edge on job hunting.
There is only one problem ~ most people will never leave their ‘comfort zone’. If that’s you, then it’s time you grew up and grasped your own future with both hands ~ carpe diem.
As for me? I’m a really cool guy, living a great life. I can do just about whatever I want, just about whenever I want ~ within my own pretty rigid code of ethics, and the fact that I don’t ever want to get arrested again.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
That van was in Palm Springs
Urban Survival Skills for Men
Being alone should hold no terrors for a man.
It’s pretty unlikely that I’m ever going to be stranded on a desert island, get lost in the jungle, or dumped in the middle of the outback. But, I’ve been lost and alone in an urban jungle many, many times. Today, as I write this I’m alone in my apartment with some cool music playing on my hi-fi ~ I’m alone in a modern jungle and I know that every single day I will need all of my hard-learned skills to survive and prosper.
The very, very first hard lesson I learned about being alone and lonely is that staying locked up in one’s own home, bolting the door, and nailing it shut, does not help at all. Doing your shopping at two in the morning at the all-night supermarket, only interacting with other people via the internet, never opening one’s post ~ well that’s just pathetic. However tempting it may be to utterly cut oneself off from the world, it’s not a good plan.
What I learned was;
- Stop drinking. Booze just makes everything much worse.
- Don’t spend money you don’t have, and never borrow a penny.
- Don’t gamble. Gambling is for suckers and sluts. The house always wins in the end.
- Get out of bed, get showered, shaved, shampoo your hair, get dressed in clean clothes.
- Junk all the rags you’ve been wearing for years, go shopping and buy some stylish new stuff. Don’t shop in thrift / goodwill stores because you will look like a used tramp.
- Get some fresh air and exercise, every single day. Start by forcing yourself to walk for an hour a day. Then force yourself to do the 10,000 steps a day thing, and maybe go to the gym 3 or 4 days a week.
- Go travelling into the sunshine.
- Talk to people. Especially a guy should talk to women ~ and not in a creepy way.
- Do something creative. I write this blog.
Life can be good, no matter what has gone before. But the thing is, you have to show up. Mostly Life will not come to you, mostly you have to at least meet Life half way.
Today I am a very cool guy, living a great life. And you know why that is? Because I say it is.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
fly me away
Lack of Sleep
to sleep ~ to sleep ~ perchance to dream
Some of us may believe that we suffer from insomnia and resort to taking powerful prescription sleeping pills before bedtime. Others may believe that they just can’t sleep unless they’ve had a few alcoholic drinks at bedtime. Some of us may suffer from restlessness, nightmares, night sweats, or night terrors. And then, some of us just know that we never get a good night’s sleep.
Let me tell you that if you really don’t sleep at all then bad things will happen to you; confusion, hallucinations, lack of concentration, memory loss, mood swings, physical illness, and then you will die. About 10 or 11 days without any sleep at all will kill you.
Rest and sleep are a vital part of a life that is filled with health, vitality, and well-being ~ and here are some things that will help you to have enough restful sleep;
- Get some fresh air and exercise during the day. Try walking 10,000 steps a day, mostly outside.
- Don’t use social media, for about an hour before bedtime. Try to leave the day behind you well before you retire for the evening.
- Don’t eat very much for about an hour before bedtime.
- Don’t drink too much booze, especially just before you go to bed. If you are buzzed, then you can forget having a good night’s sleep.
- Have your bedroom dark, quiet, and fairly cool ~ if you’re sweating at night, either you’ve been drinking or your bedroom is too warm.
- Don’t let your pet into the bedroom, especially don’t let your pet on your bed.
- Go to bed at about the same time every night, and get out of bed at about the same time every morning. And, never, ever hit the snooze button on your alarm.
Mostly if you can’t sleep it’s one of 2 things; not enough fresh air and exercise during the day, too much booze.
Or, you could think you’re in love, or you’re worried about something. If that’s the case, leave those disturbing thoughts and feelings until tomorrow.
Whatever you do, avoid taking sleeping tablets because they will ruin your whole life.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
to relax myself to sleep
I listen to my breathing and imagine gentle waves on a pleasant beach
Why Do I Care?
It is better to give than to receive ~ the hell it is…..
so, I went on some cool trips…..
Something is telling me that there is no mileage in being a caring guy. What good does it do me to care about other people’s feelings, to worry if they are upset, and to give a damn if they are happy, or not?
I know that some people go through life not giving a thought about the feelings, or wellbeing of others, and all in all it doesn’t seem to do those uncaring folks any harm whatsoever. As a matter of fact uncaring people tend to be richer and get more of what they want than do guys who actually give a fuck ~ such as me.
Uncaring people don’t devote their energies making sure that others are OK, instead they spend their time and energy getting what they want, and the devil take the consequences. Uncaring guys don’t buy their female friends cool and expensive gifts, or pay to take them on vacation, or always pick up the tab in bars and restaurants. Instead uncaring guys just fuck lots of women like animals.
So, somewhere, somehow, I’m doing something wrong. I care about other people a lot, and what does that get me, not a lot.
Some say that a leopard can’t change their spots. And, that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. All I know is that I’m going to stop giving if I get bugger all in return.
~
Jack Collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
Cool hotels? A waste of money.
Wants, Needs, Desires, and Dreams
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.
Unless we do something nothing happens, and if nothing changes then nothing changes. I can sit here and think about what I want out of life, what I need to keep me safe and healthy, and I can dream about the women and adventures I might desire, but unless I take some positive steps I most likely will never get anything on my wish list.
For much of my life I would even come up with well thought out reasons and excuses why I couldn’t have or get what I wanted. I didn’t have enough money, there just wasn’t the time, she doesn’t like me anyway, I’m too busy working…..
The truth was that I just didn’t have the courage or the realism to even try to get what I really wanted out of life. Nor did I have the focus or psychological adaptability to change what I wanted, if what I first wanted was clearly impossible. We can’t all be a rock star, and the truth is I never wanted to be. But there are some things that I wanted from a relationship, and I didn’t have the focus to make that work, nor did I have the guts to just walk away when it was clear that my relationships weren’t giving me what I wanted, needed, and desired.
However, somewhere along the way things changed for me. I wanted to be materially and financially prosperous enough that I could stop working for a living, and instead live a great life. That has happened. I wanted to stop being a miserable, judgemental jerk, and instead be a cool and charismatic guy. That has happened too.
What I want, need, and desire, right now, is to improve my relationship with a female friend, and I’ll work on that. If the relationship doesn’t improve in the ways I need, then I now have the emotional strength to just walk away.
Some say that we each have dreams and personal ambitions we want to fulfil. And, that we will always face great opposition to seeing our dreams come true. All I know is that if I don’t try to make my dreams come true, than nobody else will make them come true for me.
~
Jack Collier
jackcoĺlier7@talktalk.net
drinking and smoking will kill you,
but you already knew that
Have a Dream
If you can dream, and not make dreams your master…..
The day that we stop wanting, needing, wishing, and dreaming is the day we stop walking the warrior’s path, and begin to take that long dark road towards disappointment, despair, and death. I know some people who seem to have no dreams, and I know a few people who are living in a dark nightmare. People with no dreams often also seem to be hell-bent on self-destruction through drink, drugs, gambling, self-harm, unsafe casual sex, suicide attempts….. I can recognise those people because I used to be one of them.
Some say that being negative, depressed, filled with character defects, is a condition to be pitied and that we should try to understand without condemning or blaming.
You know what? I don’t agree with that idea at all. Unless Life has thrown at you some terrible calamity, like having to live in a war zone, then if you’re an addict, an alcoholic, a hopeless gambler, chain smoker, depressed, suicidal, and hell-bent on being unhappy on the road to self-destruction ~ it is mostly your own fault.
There seems to be something in the subconscious mind of most people that says; ‘if I am really suffering I will get attention and love…..’ This is understandable because when we were at our most impressionable, young and vulnerable, then if we were suffering we would most likely get extra attention and love from our parents / principal carers. Angst and shelf-harming practices such as alcoholism are learned behaviours.
On the other side of the coin, if as a child we were always bright, happy, full of inventive play and dreams, then mostly our parents would leave us alone. They would leave us alone except for their own horrible negativity when we told them of our dreams, and they said; ‘you can’t possibly do that…..’
Dreaming of doing bigger, better, more exciting and more adventurous things, of meeting the partner of our dreams, or dreaming of having a wonderful life, is often driven from our own subconscious mind by the things we were told as an innocent child.
I know all this because it all happened to me, up to and including until a few weeks ago, when I had one of those revelatory moments we sometimes have in life, and I realised I could dream, and make my dreams come true.
So don’t give up on your dreams. Don’t think you are a hopeless case. You can be who you want to be and do whatever you want to do ~ stop believing that you’re trapped, and start wishing and dreaming again.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
I’m dreaming of sunshine this Christmas
Being Emotionally Intelligent
Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it. ~ Charles R. Swindoll.
I wanted to share with you something I learned on a four-day retreat in the high desert of New Mexico.
When we just react, mostly we react unconsciously, without thinking about things at all. That isn’t at all surprising because for 90% of the time our subconscious mind is running the show, meaning that our consciousness is only in charge for 10% of the time.
It’s a bit more complicated than that, because our unconscious mind never forgets anything. Therefore, when we just react, our subconscious is using behaviours that we learned before we were about seven years of age. All the negative stuff we learned from our parents, older siblings, teachers, and other adults is deep down in there, and it will come out when we least want it too.
When you feel threatened, judgemental, jealous, envious, angry….. you will probably react in ways you learned as a child. It’s not you that’s having an argument with your husband / lover / boss, it’s the 7-year-old child arguing, using negative behaviours you learned before you knew any better. It’s worse than that, because it seems that our subconscious mind has very little self-control.
Our subconsciousness / unconscious mind, which runs the show for 90% of the time, is really a pretty stupid, non-selective, totally emotional, feminine autopilot, (that’s not sexist ~ the conscious mind has mostly male characteristics and subconscious mostly female). The subconscious will accept ideas as truth, no matter how negative or destructive, and never fails to express ideas that have been impressed upon it. It’s our subconscious that will let us drink too much, use drugs, have casual sex…..
But, and here’s the good thing, our conscious, objective male mind can dominate our subconscious mind, if only we truly know what we need and desire We also have to learn to talk to our subconscious and knowingly impress feelings onto that part of our brain.
If you can meditate, then you’re half way there. If you know how to achieve heart ~ brain harmony, then you’re just about all the way there. Talk to your heart and your words and feelings will reach your subconsciousness. But, use very simple, positive and unambiguous phrases. Don’t say; ‘I want to be a really charismatic guy…..’ because your subconscious mind will accept the thought that you want to be, and do nothing about that thought / feeling. Instead say to your heart; ‘I am a really charismatic guy…..’ and suddenly you are charismatic.
I turned my whole life around by saying and believing; ‘I am a really cool guy, living a really great life…..’
Honestly, our subconscious has a very emotional and unintelligent way of controlling our lives, mostly by reacting without there being any conscious or selective thought in the process. Therefore, to have an emotionally intelligent subconscious, we must first turn to our consciousness and impress its intelligence upon our inner mind.
There are a hell of a lot of books and stuff on the internet about all this, so the thing to bear in mind is to keep things simple, because 90% of our minds is quite stupid really.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
Feel Better, Live Longer
A calm mind and good health are life’s greatest blessings.
As a matter of fact, I have recently been shown that I cannot have good health if I do not have a calm mind, and that stress is the root cause of many, (if not most), illnesses. But, not all stress is bad – for example the stress we put our bodies under when we exercise is good for us. It’s bad stress from work, money worries, relationship problems and the like that we need to avoid, because this distresses us in body, mind, and spirit. Scientists and doctors know that severe distress can cause physical illnesses up to and including cancer.
There are a number of fairly simple tools we can use to help us cope with distress, help us feel better, help keep us fitter in body, mind, and spirit – ultimately live a longer, healthier, and happier life. For me, these tools include;
- Good Nutrition. A balanced diet of organic natural foods, without overeating or crash dieting, or using ‘fashionable’ diet regimes.
- Taking the right Supplements, especially vitamin B12, vitamin C, vitamin E, Folate, and Zinc.
- Fresh air and exercise, walking 10,000 plus steps a day and using weights.
- Rest and good sleep, which for most of us equates to 7 hours of quality sleep per night.
- Meditation and Relaxation, reading motivational books, listening to empowering speakers.
- Avoiding too much TV, social media, or computer gaming – especially late at night.
It’s also important to keep mentally active doing calming things which are not related at all to work or anything else which distresses you. Perhaps, try reading the classics out aloud.
In addition, in the past I’ve drank too much booze, and that distresses the body terribly, but then so does smoking and taking any drugs whatsoever. So, if you are a drinker, smoker, or addict, then you have to lose those bad habits, or die earlier and in poorer health than you should.
If you want a longer, healthier, and better life, then make some common-sense changes to what you do, and avoid creating distress of your body, mind, and spirit.
Some say that having a purpose in life helps to keep you younger and healthier. And, that having a programme of physical, mental, and spiritual health is an essential part of enjoying a good life. All I know is that I’d rather live longer and healthier than die younger and in poor health.
–
Jack Collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
enjoy the dawn and the sunset of the day
JackCollier7 
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