Tag Archives: Robert the Bruce

Reinforcing Failure

By jackcollier7 on November 7, 2020 | 3 Comments

don’t waste your life by reinforcing failure

even Marmaduke couldn’t get me to see sense

We all do it. Something isn’t working out so we try harder. We really suck at our job, so we put in more hours. Our relationship is going to hell in a handcart so we pick ourselves up and try again. Our partner stole from us, cheated on us, abused us….. so we forgive them and start over. This is called reinforcing failure, and it’s the biggest mistake anyone can make in Life, Love, and War. And, nobody really understands it.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again. ~ Robert the Bruce 1314

I was taught that quotation at school, all about the fable of Robert the Bruce, King of Scotland, and the spider. A lot of the time it’s very true that if we at first fail at something we should go back and work harder until we succeed. That was certainly true for me at grammar school, where it turned out that I could barely write and certainly couldn’t spell. As the three R’s are the whole basis of modern life I had to work very hard at English and Calligraphy until I became something of a wordsmith.

If there is no choice whatsoever, then we have to keep trying until we succeed. And yet, sometimes no matter how hard we try we are quite likely to waste our lives repeating the same mistake over and over again, because what we are trying to achieve is never going to work. Einstein knew this, and famously said;

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. ~ Albert Einstein

If what you are doing isn’t working, then you have to try something else instead. The problem is that people are creatures of habits and routines, who mostly don’t want to leave their own comfort zone. Most people don’t move house, change their jobs, or become of a different church and faith. Not often anyway.

Relationships are different ~ around half of marriages in the USA end in divorce. Some things in relationships are too intolerable to bear. But 80% of divorcees remarry and about 5% remarry their ex. Unless they do something very different in their new marriage then that’s going to turn to dross too.

Me, I spent years trying to make a toxic relationship work, by trying harder…..

Some say that when a relationship isn’t working it’s time to find someone else instead. And that you can’t expect someone to change just to keep you happy. All I know is that, in the relationship I just walked away from, I did the very best I could ~ most of the time.

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Einstein also said;

reality is an illusion

albeit a very persistent one

Posted in: Ethics, Lifestyle, Manage Yourself, Psychology, War | Tagged: Albert Einstein, failed relationship, interpersonal relationships, Robert the Bruce, Urban Survival Skills for Men

If At First…..

By jackcollier7 on March 2, 2020 | 8 Comments

if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again

be strong of heart

Contrary to what is often taught in American schools, this mantra has nothing to do with the USA. The real legend is that it’s all about Robert the Bruce and a spider, before the Battle of Bannockburn in June 1314. The moral is that dogged persitence, bloody minded perseverance, or as Churchill said; ‘Keep Buggering On,’ may just snatch a notable victory from the jaws of defeat.

If you can’t snatch victory from the jaws of defeat, fight even into it’s belly. ~ Bangambiki Habyarimana.

Giving up when things get difficult is why some people complain that life has handed them a raw deal, why many relationships fail, and some people become alcoholics and addicts. I walked out on a brilliant career when things became too stressful, got divorced when marriage was too complicated, and drank like booze was going out of fashion because real life was just too painful. And you know what? If you give up then your life will get worse, all you are doing is jumping out of the frying pan into the fire.

Giving up trying, giving in, accepting defeat comes in many forms. If you have serious problems and you just give up, for example by staying in a truly terrible relationship because that’s easier than doing something positive, then if you think your life sucks now it will soon become more awful than you thought possible. Trust someone who has been there; no matter what rock bottom you have it there is another even worse to come ~ if you give up.

There is a huge difference between not trying again, and trying something different. There are two mantras to remember here; never reinforce failure, or if you like don’t throw good money after bad….. And, as Einstein is supposed to have said; ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result…..’ There is no point in trying something again and again if every time you try you are severely punished.

For example an abused wife may keep on going back to her husband for one more try at a happy marriage, but each time she does she is abused again. Or even worse, at the Battle of the Somme in July 1916, English generals kept sending their men ‘over the top,’ trying again and again to break the German lines. Each time they tried, they suffered horrific casualties. You can try, try, and try again to break down a brick wall with your head and all your are going to get is a headache ~ or dead, mostly dead.

Two things to remember;

Bloody minded perseverance will often rescue what looks like a lost cause.
Sometimes it’s better to walk away and do something else instead.

Some say that successful people know when to chuck in a losing hand. And that if you are knocked down get right back up again. All I know is that Faint Heart never won Fair Lady.

jack collier