Seems I Have OCD
OCD is not about being a ‘neat freak’
that is wrong on so many levels
Yesterday I came to the conclusion that I have fairly mild Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. There are a few obvious signs; for example I am always clean, neat, and tidy, always doing the very best I can in every situation. I think that everything is my fault and my problem to solve. My music is all sorted in alphabetical order, and I know where everything is, all the time. I also go back and check that I really have locked my door when I’ve left the garret. I know every detail of my finances, down to the last penny and I check my bank accounts on-line every damn day.
But the real give-away is counting. When my mind is doing nothing else I count, to no purpose whatsoever, and it’s a completely unconscious thing.
I’ve now read that there are 4 types of OCD; contamination, perfection, doubt/harm, forbidden thoughts. Or it might be that there are 7 types of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, if you include; staring, relationship, and existential. I think I can identify perfectionism and a little of forbidden thoughts, (but who doesn’t have weird sexual fantasies). But none of it is ruining my life. What almost ruined my life was judgemental angry jealousy, (retroactive angry jealousy too), and some would say that is Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I would say that it was being in a toxic relationship with the wrong woman.
So how to ‘cure’ my OCD? Actually the only bit I want to cure is the counting thing.
Typically dealing with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder involves drugs and therapy. I’m NOT having either of those, except the honest, open, down to earth therapy talking with my friends gives me. And writing this blog, of course.
If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. ~ Sun Tzu
Knowing that I have ‘a problem’ is more than half the battle.
The rest is down to me.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
some say that mental illness is like a black dog
Alternative Living # 7 ~ Alone
Living alone is perhaps the ultimate expression of the alternative lifestyle, yet so many people now live a solitary existence in their home. Perhaps I have taken it a little far with my Rule # 2 Nobody Is Allowed Into The Garret. (The garret is what I call my small loft apartment.) Literally this means I never have house guests, dinner guests, lunch guests, random visitors, or girls I want to sleep with, in my place. My place is my space and I don’t want another person in my space.
There are upsides to this very solitary lifestyle. For example; nobody leaves their junk around, everything is tidy and clean, the garret is exactly the way I want it, I can do whatever I want when I want, and I never have to ask anyone if they’re happy with what I am doing or how I am doing it. If I need to paint the whole place black, then I will. As it happens the garret is completely decorated and furnished in white and natural wood.
You know, one of my fears about living alone so long is that you get used to doing everything your own way. ~ Terry McMillan
There are some downsides to my isolated and remote life. For example being seen as antisocial and reclusive, which I am anyhow. Other potential downsides include being; lonely, friendless, introverted, withdrawn, introspective, unsociable, and being literally without help in times of crisis.
Some people who live alone can develop some quite nasty habits, for example; never washing or changing their clothes, never cleaning the place, not eating properly, keeping strange hours, drinking too much, smoking too much, taking drugs, watching too much pornography, spending all of their time on-line… In fact, living alone can be dangerous for your health.
I have been guilty of some of these undesirable habits from time to time ~ particularly drinking too much and keeping strange hours.
Perhaps the most common characteristic of someone who lives alone is that we become far too reflective and thoughtful, too introspective, too philosophical and meditative, too broody and serious, too melancholy and solemn, and too set in our ways. This can lead to some serious mental health problems such as melancholic depression ~ luckily for me it’s mostly women who suffer from this treatment resistant disorder. My personal disorders are that I suffer from obsessive thinking ~ which I have always had, but then I have mostly always lived and worked alone.
Hungry people are always thinking about food; poor people are always thinking about wealth. Obsessive thinking can kill your dreams. ~ Stephen Richards
The ‘cure’ for living alone but not falling into these traps is to have an active life outside of your home. However, as I have discovered to my cost, taking the solitary lifestyle mindset outside the sanctuary of your own home can get you into serious trouble. What gets you into more trouble is if you flip from being solitary and introspective at home, into being extrovert and available outside of the home.
~
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
JackCollier7 
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