Fear, Frustration, Stress, Distress
ashes to ashes, iron to rust, rust to dust
suffering, injustice, post-apocalyptic
The world has been suffering from the draconian measures taken by governments and their non-elected officials for some 6 months now ~ all of it in order to deal with a chimera. The alleged coronavirus, COVID-19 pandemic doesn’t even qualify as a true epidemic because it doesn’t ‘affect many people at the same time’, and yet the powers that be have spread so much in the way of lies, damn lies, false statistics, and Project Fear bullshit propaganda that some among us are really and truly frightened. Which is sad because this is just an ordinary bug which is killed by soap and water.
Like a good boy, like a model citizen, I self-isolated and went into lockdown when my government told me to on March 23rd this year, and you know what? I got sick. The reason I was ill was nothing directly to do with the coronavirus. I got sick because I was stressed and worried, I wasn’t getting any sunshine, fresh air, and exercise, and my diet had suddenly gone from healthy to crap. When you have nothing to do all day but watch TV and worry you tend to over-indulge in comfort-eating, junk food, booze, (and if applicable to you cigarettes and drugs). When you can’t get to the store you also lose all the fresh fruit and vegetables that help to keep you healthy.
Many people also lost their jobs, worried about losing their jobs, or had to think about working from home. Nobody was allowed to see relatives, friends, or loved ones ~ up to and including people on their deathbeds.
No wonder this country and much of the world was filled with fear, frustration, stress, and distress. No wonder that so much of the social media was filled with vitriolic, frightened, ill-informed shit. No wonder America is going to hell in a hand-basket.
And it isn’t going to get any better any time soon.
Along with targeted lockdowns the latest ideas floated here in England are; compulsory flu vaccinations, compulsory coronavirus vaccinations, (when there is one), and the compulsory carrying of ID cards. What’s more these ID cards would carry details of your health status.
There seem to be two kinds of country in the world today; those descending into totalitarianism, and those descending into anarchy. And the only people to blame are governments and unelected officials whose sworn duty is to keep us safe.
Some say that COVID-19 is the biggest threat to world health since the Spanish flu epidemic of 1918. And that we should all wear face masks all the time. All I know is that if you give into irrational fear you may as well curl up and die.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
inner cities are suffering more than most
Living Mindfully
mindfulness is a way of non-judgmentally connecting with your life
some things are in the wrong place, but none can know the future
Until pretty recently I had never heard the words mindful nor mindfully and to be honest, for a man of my generation, background, and upbringing, the concepts and processes of mindfulness are fairly alien and unknowable.
However, to each of us there comes a time when we need to look outside of our everyday wants, needs, struggles, and conflicts to find something we can trust to lift the pain and distress from our shoulders. There may come a time when we sink as low as to destroy the relationship we hold most precious, to harm ourselves with booze, drugs, gambling, casual sex, lies and deceptions, and to have thoughts of suicide. Just a few short days ago I had sunk that low. I had arrived at a rock bottom, and I knew there was yet another rock bottom even lower and worse than the one I was suffering.
Now I know that mindfulness is a way for me to live fully in the moment, and by being totally in the now, cutting off worries about the past and stress about all possible futures.
Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different. ~ James Baraz
Mindfulness is a way for me to calmly pay full attention to what is happening to me right now, how I am feeling right now, and how I am reacting to those feelings. Deep down there is a need for me to be calm and at peace with what is happening in the now, instead of worrying and being resentful about what has happened, what could happen, what was and could be bad, what went wrong, what could go wrong, and what is missing in my life. No matter the chaos that is troubling me in my heart and mind, outwardly I need to radiate inner peace.
Being mindful is about me letting the past stay in the past and leaving the future as something that is yet to come about, it’s about being in the now without being hurt, disturbed, and distressed by what might happen, or what has already happened, or what my twisted mind thinks has already happened.
I may never be able to silence the thousands of negative thoughts and feelings that uninvited pass through my mind each day, but I have learned how to slow down my mind, and allow my feelings to come and go without reacting badly to them.
Some say that they don’t need to feel bad about anything they have ever done. And that they have no regrets about the past nor worries about the future. All I know is that I can stop being afraid, I am the master of my fate.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
how the disconnect inside my mind feels
Solitary People ~ Lonely Beaches
With no compass you cannot tell who the enemy is.
Are you lonely tonight?
Are you sad because you’re on your own?
There was a time when I lived the life of a celibate solitary recluse. Not just for a few days, or a few weeks, but for several years. I cared for nobody, not even for myself.
I think the important thing is caring about someone. It’s being by themselves that does people in, makes them old and bitter. ~ Thomas Tryon
I completely isolated myself in my garret. My only companion was my little teddy bear; Marmaduke. I hardly ever went out. I didn’t answer my telephone. I didn’t see any of the people who reached out to me in friendship. My only contact with the world was through this blog ~ and in its early days this blog was a pathetic spavined thing.
When I did go out it would be at very unsocial hours; the early morning, late evening, midnight. And, I didn’t go to places where I was likely to meet people. I walked solitary on a lonely beach.
Life wasn’t making me lonely, I was avoiding human contact, pushing people away, sabotaging any relationships I had. I was making myself lonely.
There was an underlying reason for this. It’s a serious mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder, and one of the symptoms of this illness is cutting off all communication with others because of a real difficulty in maintaining a stable relationship. It isn’t good.
It’s so bad that if I developed a relationship, then a part of me would want to destroy it. Perhaps I could keep a friendship for a while, but eventually the Mr. Hyde in me would do something bad enough to make that friend walk away ~ which is what I expected all along. Another of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder is an abnormal fear of abandonment, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have been lucky. I have one friend, one long-distance relationship, and that friend has stuck by me, been my cheerleader, counsellor, and my muse. That friendship has got me out of the garret, encouraged me to grow, allowed me to escape the worst of my self-imposed exile from the real world.
Not everyone who has cut themselves off from the world is that lucky. But, perhaps we can all be that lucky if we are willing to take a chance, and if we are really willing to work at becoming a better, more reliable, more stable, more personable, and less threatening version of ourselves.
It’s scary. But real life is scary. Shit happens. With the right mental attitude we can all enjoy life. I learned to love myself and love others.
My life is good today. I still walk the lonely beach, but I’m no longer alone.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
luckily, a teddy bear can’t really walk out on you
JackCollier7 
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