your dark dream returns out of love

For some reason I have hardly ever remembered my dreams for a long while.  I would like to say that I haven’t been dreaming at all, but I don’t think that’s even possible.  I’ll come back to that point in a while. Yesterday morning I did recall the vivid dark dream I had, and I remembered it well enough to describe my dream to a close friend.

Me, wandering alone, in a desolate landscape.  It was not some desert, nor an icy wasteland, the desolation was very near and all around where I lived as a young boy, in a coal mining village, in the North East of England.  Spoil heaps, abandoned railway tracks, neglected and rusting machinery, an abandoned quarry…..  I think I was content in my solitary wandering.  Then, after a while I met some people I didn’t know well.  There was conflict between us in what seemed like a hospital, or school, or some such other place of officialdom.  There was more to the dream but not so well remembered.

For some reason I recalled that dream again late last evening ~ and it was then I remembered I had been having that same or dream for years, perhaps for decades.  It is my recurring dream of desolate isolation and conflict with officialdom.  And perhaps for the me in my dream officialdom would be my parents, carers, and teachers.

I can do no better here than give you a quote;

Recurring dreams usually mean there is something in your life you’ve not acknowledged that is causing stress of some sort.  The dream repeats because you have not corrected the problem.  Another theory is that people who experience recurring dreams have some sort of trauma in their past they are trying to deal with.  ~  Lee Ann Obringer

I suffer from a serious mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD), many doctors, psychologists and the like believe that BPD is the result of childhood trauma that has not been acknowledged and is causing severe stress.  My dream may be my subconscious mind telling me that I need to deal with my past, back to when I was a boy, in a pit village, wandering alone in desolation.

The exact details of your recurring dreams does not matter so much because they will change over time.  What matters is the emotion, the impression, the theme.

Today I woke at 03:15.  I do not remember dreaming.  Quite often I wake at about half-past-three in the morning.  I believe that I am waking myself just before I am about to experience my recurring dream.  I believe I am afraid of what is in my dream, and that something is protecting me, preventing me from having that dark dream tonight.

Some say that they never have dreams.  And others say that they can never remember their dreams beyond a few moments.  All I know is that my recurring dark dream of desolation and conflict has stayed with me my whole life.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

in the dark moonlight

our past returns