Christmas is a time for remembering, forgiving, and loving.

Not all of us have only good memories of the past.  Some of us have been holding on to feelings of upset, anger, hurt, rejection, jealousy….. perhaps going back years.  But our memory of the past is only the joy inside our tears.  No memory is either good or bad, it is our feelings created by those memories that may be either positive or negative.  I have carried around with me the weight of the world in negative feelings about the past ~ and it’s time to let them go.  It’s time to forgive, and replace those negative feelings with genuine love.  It’s time to embrace the beautiful new dawn Christmas brings.

Forgiveness does not mean the other person was right, or that we have to forget what they have done, but forgiving lets us live a more positive and fuller life.  And, mostly if we have been carrying around a deep hurt it means that whomsoever damaged us was someone we cared for very deeply.  Only those we love can really hurt us.

By forgiving we allow ourselves to move on.  We release ourselves from a self-imposed paranoid prison of upset, anger, hurt, rejection, jealousy…..  and those negative feelings slowly poison us, taking away our ability to love anyone, including ourselves.  It was important for me to understand that I needed to forgive others for the sake of my own mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

True forgiveness isn’t easy, it isn’t weak, or proof that we weren’t really hurt, or that it was us who were in the wrong.  True forgiveness and returning to love is a sign of emotional maturity and strength ~ the strength to move on with your life.

True forgiveness goes hand in hand with learning to trust again, to love again, to leave behind the mistrust and paranoia.  To create a successful life I needed to truly and honestly forgive others who have hurt me.

How we forgive is something else.  It may be that the person we need to forgive is dead, in which case the forgiveness is in our own minds ~ or if you pray it may be that you say a prayer for whoever hurt you so deeply.  If they’re still around you may decide to reach out to that person; maybe call them, or send an email, or more personally write a proper letter.  But, be aware of two things; #1 your forgiveness must be true and genuine, not filled with if’s and but’s…..  #2 don’t reach out to whoever hurt you if by doing so you hurt them or make their life difficult, it might not be a good idea to reach out to your ex if they are in a new relationship.

However, if you can, and you truly and genuinely forgive, then find a way to say to whoever hurt you that you love them, (maybe not in those words).  Don’t say you forgive them, that’s judgemental and implies that they were wrong.  They may well have been very wrong, but true forgiveness means that we don’t have to rub their noses in it.  If whoever hurt you asks for your forgiveness, then give it, honestly, openly, and truthfully.

Some say that being hurt is what you get for loving someone.  And that you can’t trust anyone, not ever.  All I know is that forgiveness is cathartic and lets us love again.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

allow your heart to mend

forgive and love again