Mental Breakdown.
My mind is broken and my soul is destroyed.
Today I have been suffering from distress so intense that it’s almost unbearable.
I don’t believe I’m depressed because I have been able to function today, after a fashion. I have washed, shaved, my clothes are fairly clean, my home is clean, I have cooked and eaten a meal. However, the anxiety and nameless dread are incredibly severe.
There doesn’t seem any reason to hope, and yet there is every reason to fear. I am mentally, spiritually, and physically afraid. I want to run. I am so afraid that my chest hurts, and there is nothing for me to be afraid of.
I want to be alone. I have been isolating myself in my garret, and yet I would give almost anything to have a friend to talk with.
I’m a mature man, but fat tears have been rolling down my cheeks.
I’m exhausted, mentally and physically done in.
I feel as though I have nothing left to give.
There is no reason for me to be so acutely distressed.
Looking back I don’t ever remember feeling this bad before.
I’m becoming a lunatic.
~
jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
Abstinence from Coffee
Coffee ~ I am giving up coffee for a month.
Just lately, I’ve noticed that around mid morning I’ve been feeling anxious and jittery, as though something bad was going to happen. Now it may well be that I’m prescient, and something really bad is about to happen to me, or to someone I care for. But, thinking about it, the more likely explanation for my endogenous anxiety is that I’m drinking too much coffee. Therefore, I have decided to be abstinent from coffee for one month from today ~ Thursday June 9th.
Giving up coffee for a while could also:
- improve my general health
- stop the jitters I get from time to time
- help with my quest to lower my blood pressure
- alleviate my terrible insomnia
- cure the constant headache I’ve had since March 23rd this year
- mean that I’m not always on the lookout for a bathroom
I thought about drinking decaffeinated coffee instead, but I’ve tried it and it’s as horribly pointless as alcohol-free beer. As I’m also abstinent from alcohol, I found a better alternative to booze in sparkling water, (club soda). For the next month, my better alternative to coffee is going to be green tea.
Allegedly, green tea has its own range of benefits.
Abstinence is giving up something you find pleasurable. So, as well as booze and coffee, I’m also giving up
- refined sugar
- wheat ~ it seems wheat is very bad for you, so no bread, nor cake
- eating foods full of preservatives, (which means buying organic produce)
- eating any pre-prepared or take-out food, which are always full of salt, sugar, and preservatives
- watching tv for more than 1 hour a day ~ take more exercise instead
- perfectionism ~ I am too much the all or nothing man, and far too judgemental
Giving up perfectionism may not happen, but I’ll try.
I will let you know how successful I’ve been on Monday July 11th.
Wish me luck.
~
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
JackCollier7 
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