Day 333

not everyone is insane but some are depressed

I’m not howling at the moon

I thought that I was going crazy.  I was struggling to get out of bed in the morning, to keep myself and the garret clean, to find any interest in anything at all.  I believed that being in solitary confinement for almost a year had given me a bad case of lockdown depression ~ the whole world is grey and meaningless kind of depression.  The absence of feelings that leads to substance abuse and self harm.

The doctors don’t think that’s the case.  It turns out that there is something physically wrong with me.  It seems that I am sick in body, but not in mind and spirit.  And, somehow that’s good.  A physical illness can be treated and cured more easily and more effectively than can a mental illness.

The snag is that thus far nobody has any idea what’s wrong with me.  Yesterday I had another physical and another lot of blood taken for testing.  Next Friday I’m going for an MRI scan.  The doctors will find out what I’m suffering from, and what kind of treatment is appropriate ~ it’s just that it’s taking a little while.  But at least I’m getting all the tests they think I need.

What I know so far is that I’m not suffering from anxiety and depression ~ which is good.  And, after yesterday I know that my blood pressure is fine, without medication.

So, for now, I will just get on with Life as best as I can.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

I need to eat healthy stuff

like this

avocado pomegranate salad